Recently, I was meeting with a colleague and discussing how I never seem to feel good enough as a mother, no matter what I do or don’t do.
If I spend a lot of time with my daughter, I feel like I’m not always “present” enough and that I take her for granted. I let my list of things to do distract me; I’m likely to end up shopping for diapers online instead of playing with her on the floor. Then I beat myself up for not enjoying her company enough.
And if I spend a lot of time working on my business or taking care of my own needs, I feel guilty that I’m not spending enough time with my daughter.
It’s a lose/lose scenario. Somehow, I’m never “enough” of something.
Here’s what my colleague had to say:
If you asked 500 men if they worry “Am I man enough?” when they wake up in the morning, about 490 of them would raise their hands. It isn’t a conscious thought they think, but it’s always there in the back of their minds. How often have you heard someone say “Get out there and act like a man”?
Women, on the other hand, do not wake up thinking “Am I woman enough?” The question seems silly. No woman who is in a conflict will say “Get out there and act like a woman!”
For many women, the equivalent question is “Am I a good enough mother?” Most mothers struggle with this question on an ongoing basis. If you asked 500 mothers this question, at least 490 would raise their hands. (And believe me, the advertising world knows this! Have you noticed how they play to our fears and insecurities?)
This led me to a bigger realization: Even before I became a mother, there was always something in my life that I did not have enough of or that I did not do well enough.
This is a scarcity mentality. It’s like having a hungry ghost who is part of your essence. No matter what you do or say, it’s never enough. Not enough money. Not enough prestige. Not enough time. Not enough recognition. It’s never enough.
Have you felt this?
There are two steps that are key to shifting this “Am I enough?” or “Do I have enough?” mentality. The first step is to recognize your personal “Not Enough” pattern. What do you believe you do not have enough of? Time? Money? Love?
Next, see if you can start to shift it to a positive rather than negative thought, such as “I have more than enough money.” Even if you don’t believe this yet, you can cultivate this type of thought by focusing on the ways that you currently ARE ENOUGH and where you currently HAVE ENOUGH. If you always feel like you don’t have enough money, make a list of three ways that you DO have enough money.
What is your “Not Enough”?
Can you make a list of three ways that you DO have enough or you ARE enough in that area? Make that list NOW.
There is never a better time than now to start becoming who you might have been.
We are all enough inside, it’s just a question of believing it.
Once you recognize your personal pattern of scarcity, you can make a conscious choice to focus your energy on the positive aspects of that area of your life. When you do that, you will shift your perspective. It’s only a matter of commitment. And for that, there is always enough inside of you!
Here’s to all of us having more than enough.
Much Love,
Vanessa
