I want to wish a BIG Happy Mothers Day to all you mamas out there!!! It is incredible what mothers do for their children and their families and, now that I’m actually doing these things myself, I have a whole new level of respect for what it takes to be a mom!
Wow. All I can say is I am in awe of every single woman who does this job. Thank you to each of you for helping to raise our children. It is the most important and, in my opinion, most under-valued job on the planet.
Speaking of feeling under-valued, that is the theme of this month’s newsletter! I was talking to my husband the other night about Mother’s Day, and noticing that I really wanted him to make a big deal of it and show a lot of appreciation towards me.
I wasn’t focused on fancy or expensive gifts or anything like that, but I wanted him to make an effort with some thoughtful gestures (hint for husbands out there: booking a surprise massage is a great gift!).
I started to ask myself what this whole Mother’s Day thing was REALLY about. Here’s a big hint to all of you, whenever you get really worked up about something, it usually isn’t actually about that particular thing.
There’s almost always something UNDERNEATH the surface issue that is the REAL ISSUE.
Even if you think it’s about the money, or your colleague at work, or your spouse not appreciating you…..there is something underneath that, and that is where all your learning can come from. It is also the key to creating lasting change.
For me, I realized I wasn’t feeling acknowledged or appreciated in general for the role of Mother. It wasn’t really about Mother’s Day.
Sure, that’s a great time to take a moment to celebrate Mom. And, my deeper issue is more of an ongoing belief that I’m not being valued for the effort I’m making. And, the even deeper issue underneath THAT, is the KEY to unlocking this whole mess. Before I tell you what it is, I want you to think of an example of your own.
Where in your life are you currently feeling under-valued, unappreciated or taken for granted?
Have you got an example? Good.
Now I want you to bring this situation or person to mind. And ask yourself “How am I contributing to this?” Because you are.
If someone is taking advantage of you, it is you who is letting them do it. If someone is taking you for granted, on some level, you are allowing it.
For me, I realized the key is that I am not valuing MYSELF as a Mother. And I am projecting that on to others.
I have doubts. I don’t think I’m any good at this. The other night, my daughter cried out in the middle of the night, and when I tried to soothe her and comfort her, she only got more upset.
I went back to bed saying “I am the worst mother. I can’t even console my own child. She doesn’t even like being held by me” and on, and on my mind went, spinning a story of how I’m a bad mother.
To all you mothers out there, how many times have you told yourself some version of this story? How often have you beat yourself up, blamed yourself or felt guilty because of something your child did or experienced?
We have to stop. We need to start appreciating ourselves. That is the key to shifting any sort of resentment you are feeling towards others for not appreciating you.
It needs to start with oneself.
For those of you who are not mothers, the golden rule still applies.
- Where are you feeling under-valued in your life?
- How are you under-valuing YOURSELF in that
situation? - How can you start to shift it?
For me, I’m starting each day by telling myself “I am the perfect mother for this child” and I’m ending each day by appreciating 3 things about myself as a mother.
It could be something simple like “I made Eva giggle while playing on the floor” or something more profound. I’m also taking time out to appreciate myself by giving myself alone time, getting a massage or going on a walk.
Celebrating myself as an individual and a mother makes it easier for me to feel good in the mother role.
If any of you Mamas out there want to find an easy way to celebrate yourself more, check out our Happy Mamas Retreat in Woodside, CA June 8th-9th. It’s a weekend away for you to receive lots of pampering and self-love!
