This is an easy word, even an easy concept, but a very difficult reality. My Webster’s dictionary lists five meanings for FORGIVE, and I think it is number four that is the most important: “to cease to feel resentment against.”
Thanks to our stories, holding onto resentment is pretty easy.
So, when you are ready to forgive – not an easy thing, either – you have work to do on yourself before you can begin to work with the other person. Is your story one of resentment or growth? If the former, can you move to the latter? If not, then why do you think you’re ready to forgive? (Got to love those vicious cycles.)
OK, let’s try again. You are ready to forgive, your story is no longer one of resentment, do you forgive yourself? “WHAT?!” you might say. Well, has your story become one of blaming yourself instead of resenting someone else? See, that doesn’t really work either.
If you are going to have that clearing conversation with someone, there cannot be ANY blame involved. It is about how you have been, how that was for you, how you think that was for the other person, and how you would like things to be. No blame. You own your part and let go of everything.
It is a great thing to move on to happier places, but it is not necessarily an easy thing. And maybe, just maybe, all those people on your list for clearing conversations can wait until you have had the conversation with yourself.
My question today: have you forgiven yourself lately?
About Vanessa Loder
Vanessa graduated from Columbia University, Phi Beta Kappa, Summa Cum Laude and received her MBA from Stanford University. After working in finance for almost ten years, Vanessa realized that she was deeply unfulfilled by her career.
She quit her job to follow her heart and transformed herself so much, that she has now dedicated her life to helping other people, including through her new program,
You Can Create an Ideal Life.
