Transforming a Stuck Relationship

Before I start, a warning: this blog topic may seem a bit “out there” to many people; I hope you will keep an open mind and stick with me.

Remember “Your Story or Reality”? Today I pose another way to adjust your story: visualization. The process I am going to describe is just that, A PROCESS. Please understand that all processes take time to fully understand and get right.

This exercise creates two separate states for your body – joy and stuck – and then transforms the stuck state into something closer to the joyous one.

Okay, first the joyous state. In your mind, recreate a time when you were tremendously happy. Create this moment to the point that you feel that happiness as if for the first time. Once you have that, write down the following characteristics about the vision in your head.

• Is it in color or black and white?
• If the image had a texture, what would it be? Is it: soft, hard, furry, grainy? If nothing occurs to you, just write down a question mark.
• Does your joy have a shape? What is it?
• What do you feel in your body? There are so many possibilities here, you could feel like you’re floating, have a jittery stomach, snug, at ease – like I said, so many possibilities.
• Is the picture a snapshot or video? So, moving or still?
• What temperature do you feel?

Before we move onto the next state, let’s put your body back to neutral. Put your hands on your shoulders – right on right, left on left – and bring your elbows together. Now, drop your hands and shake out your arms really quickly. Let go of that state of joy.

Now for the stuck state. Picture a situation with someone where you are really stuck. Really create the situation in your mind so that it is as real as the previous joyous state. What are the characteristics of this vision?

I want you to now change some of the aspects of the stuck state to that of the joyous state. Keep tabs on how you are feeling about the stuck situation while making these changes.

Start with body temperature. Bring yourself to the temperature you felt when you were in the joyous state – and then take it further. Apply the happy temperature to the stuck state.

Now, change the color. From color to black and white, or the other way around.

Finally, pick one of the other characteristics and change it to match the value of your joyous state.

How do you feel about that stuck situation now? Did your feelings shift as you changed elements of the picture? And what about the overall relationship, how do you feel about that?

About Vanessa Loder

Vanessa graduated from Columbia University, Phi Beta Kappa, Summa Cum Laude and received her MBA from Stanford University. After working in finance for almost ten years, Vanessa realized that she was deeply unfulfilled by her career.

She quit her job to follow her heart and transformed herself so much, that she has now dedicated her life to helping other people, including through her new program,
You Can Create an Ideal Life.