Photo by AlexaMiller.com
The next time you find yourself feeling like a victim about something (HINT: If you hear yourself complaining about ANYTHING, you’re being a victim about that thing), do this exercise to stop being an Eeyore and start living your life to the fullest.
Ask yourself these questions.
1. What am I complaining about?
Take out your watch, and give yourself a full 2 minutes to really complain about that thing. I want you to time yourself and keep talking about the thing you’re complaining about for the entire 2 minutes. It helps if you can speak out loud and exaggerate your gestures while you complain (if you want to stay at your current job, you may not want to do this in a glass office where your colleagues can see you).
2. How am I contributing to this?
Once the 2 minutes are up, ask yourself the following tough question, while taking a deep breath and committing to being open to finding the truth “How am I contributing to this?” Take a few breaths while you think about this question.
3. What does this remind me of?
Now ask yourself a third question while still taking some really deep breaths: “This reminds me of….” (could be something from your childhood, or a pattern you have with many people in your life, or a prior relationship, etc.). How is the current situation familiar to you?
4. What do I really want?
Next it’s time to shift into the positive by filling in the blank of the following sentence: “What I really want is….”. Remember to keep taking deep breaths as you ask these questions.
5. What is my action step to creating my ideal life?
And finally, once you have an answer to the question above, ask yourself what Action Step you can take to create that thing you really want. Give yourself a deadline by which you will complete that Action Step. “My action step for creating xxx is yyy and I will do it by zzz.”
Great job! You just stopped being a victim and started taking responsibility! When you take action towards what you really want, you will move even further away from victimhood. Use these questions anytime you find yourself with an ongoing or very big complaint and you will see a dramatic shift in your life.
Now, given that you have control over how you choose to be in any given situation, the real questions are:
Who do you want to be?
Do you want to be the type of person who is aware of what is making you unhappy and takes responsibility for making changes, or do you want to be an Eeyore?
The choice is yours.
I’m awfully good at #1 and not so good at #2! Thank you for this post. It came at such a great time, like you were speaking right to me!
Thanks for your response and your honesty Riki – I’m awfully good at #1 too! I think most of us are
And it’s the next 4 questions that really help shift things. I’m glad the post came at such a great time for you.
Quote of the day— this is getting written down – in ink.
HIINT: If you hear yourself complaining about ANYTHING, you’re being a victim about that thing.
I’m glad you liked this quote – I refer to it so often that it’s become almost second nature. Whenever I start complaining about something, I try to catch myself and be curious about how I’m being a victim. Sometimes I will be so certain that I am in the right and the person or situation I’m complaining about is really to blame….but when I take a few deep breaths, I can pretty much always find a way that I’m contributing to the situation and being a victim.
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