We all have a list of people we have issues with. Ill-will, tension, whatever you want to call it, there is a problem in the relationship. There is no value for you to hold onto this negativity. Even if the person is not longer in your life, the issues still are, otherwise the person wouldn’t be on your list.
How would you like to clear up all those issues?
The first thing you have to do is contact the person, either face-to-face or on the phone. Feel free to blame me as the reason for the call, “I was reading this blog about healing relationships, and I thought I should reach out to you.”
Next talk about these four steps with the other person:
Step one: Who have you been in the relationship? What is your story about the relationship going sour. And TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. Something happened and you applied your story to it. That is your contribution to things falling apart. Own that.
Step two: What is the impact on yourself? This event are taking responsibility for, what has that been doing in your life?
Step three: What is the impact on the other person? This event you are taking responsibility for, what has it, or what do you think it has, done to this person?
Step four: Create a new possibility. What do you want the relationship to actually be like? For example, with an ex, you may you want to think positively about the relationship.
It is amazing how people respond! Especially when you take responsibility for your own part.
BUT WAIT! There is a catch.
I find that the only way this really works, is if you are open to whatever response the other person has. Can you take responsibility for your part of the relationship without blame, judgment, or getting anything in return? If you are in a place where you want –- expect, even -– something from the other person, this “clearing conversation” will fail.
If you are not in that place where you can lay this all out and expect nothing in return, then some forgiveness work may be in order. But that’s a different blog topic.
If you’d like to learn proven methods for resolving conflict, download my free recording, “Letting Go of Resentment & Learn How to Heal Relationships with Family & Friends” >> .
What part of this process will be the hardest for you, and why? Have you had a clearing conversation to heal a relationship?
About Vanessa Loder
Vanessa graduated from Columbia University, Phi Beta Kappa, Summa Cum Laude and received her MBA from Stanford University. After working in finance for almost ten years, Vanessa realized that she was deeply unfulfilled by her career.
She quit her job to follow her heart and transformed herself so much, that she has now dedicated her life to helping other people, including through her new program,
You Can Create an Ideal Life.
