Akoya - Empowering Women thru Life Coaching, Workshops, & Retreats /dev Empowering Women thru Life Coaching, Workshops & Retreats Wed, 15 Jan 2014 17:54:18 +0000 en-US hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.8 Guilt-free milkshake recipe! /dev/guilt-free-milkshake-recipe-2/ /dev/guilt-free-milkshake-recipe-2/#comments Wed, 07 Aug 2013 01:12:30 +0000 /?p=3417 In the spirit of giving, I’d like to share with you one of my favorite delicious, healthy dessert recipes! As my friends know, I have quite the sweet tooth. But, I’ve learned that I generally feel crappy after eating too much refined sugar and gluten. So I’ve scoured the planet for the BEST healthy dessert […]

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cats1In the spirit of giving, I’d like to share with you one of my favorite delicious, healthy dessert recipes!

As my friends know, I have quite the sweet tooth. But, I’ve learned that I generally feel crappy after eating too much refined sugar and gluten. So I’ve scoured the planet for the BEST healthy dessert recipes that taste so good, you don’t feel as though you’re sacrificing at all.
In fact, when I made this recipe for a dinner party, my friends couldn’t believe it was healthy, and they still talk about it months later!

Raw Mint-Chip Shake

Ingredients:

  • 1-2 Tbs raw cacao nibs (or unsweetened chocolate chips)
  • 1 frozen large banana (the more ripe, the better)
  • 1-2 drops peppermint extract (or handful of fresh mint leaves)
  • 1/4 cup frozen spinach (or opt for all-natural green food coloring, or just make a white mint shake)
  • 2/3 cup non-dairy milk of choice (coconut, almond,hemp, etc. Use more or less, depending on desired thickness.)

Optional Ideas & Add-ins

  • raw cacao powder
  • chocolate protein powder
  • garnish with fresh mint leaves
  • 2-4 drops liquid stevia (I love the peppermint liquid stevia from Sweet Leaf)

I got this recipe from my good friend and colleague, Kelly Cornell, an internationally recognized Holistic Nutritionist.

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Receiving Support /dev/receiving-support-2/ /dev/receiving-support-2/#comments Tue, 06 Aug 2013 01:09:27 +0000 /?p=3412 Helping each other is all part of the giving and receiving that makes up good relationships. Happy August! I just got back from the pool and love the feeling of diving into that cold water after getting nice and warm under the sun. It’s so refreshing. As I lay there reading one of my new […]

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catsHelping each other is all part of the giving and receiving that makes up good relationships.

Happy August! I just got back from the pool and love the feeling of diving into that cold water after getting nice and warm under the sun. It’s so refreshing. As I lay there reading one of my new favorite books I suddenly had all these ideas I wanted to share and write down. It’s amazing what comes when we relax and allow ourselves to receive with ease.

And that is this month’s theme! Receiving support — which starts with noticing how hard it is to ask for help or say “Yes” when someone offers.

One of my closest girlfriends recently shared a very personal example of this. She has a young baby and one night while her husband was traveling for work, she suddenly heard her son struggling to breathe. He sounded as though he was choking and wheezing, trying desperately to get oxygen.

She rushed into his room, tried everything she had learned about infant CPR (did a clean sweep of the throat, turned him over and firmly patted his back, etc.). When that didn’t work, she called 911. As she describes it, by the time the paramedics arrived, her son was sitting up smiling and acting as though nothing had happened. Luckily, he turned out to be just fine. It was a very scary experience for her, as you can probably imagine, and my heart went out to her as she shared it with me. The next time we spoke,about a week later, she told me she realized that she continued to put herself down whenever she told the story, saying “There I was, a crazy mom, calling 911” because she felt embarrassed, even though she knew she did the right thing for her family and would do it again.

It can feel very vulnerable to ask for help. That’s why so many of us don’t do it. Deep down, many of us have a belief that it’s “weak” to ask for help, or that there is something wrong with us if we make a request of others.
Even if our conscious, logical mind says “That’s silly, of course I would call 911 if my son were choking,” our subconscious mind may say “How embarrassing that eleven paramedics rushed to your door and your son was fine. You wasted their time. Who are you to ask for help?”

We shame and criticize ourselves if we can’t do it on our own. And yet we know that makes no sense. The example I just shared is a fairly dramatic one, but we do this all the time in big and small ways. For example, have you ever had someone offer to help you carry a grocery bag or put your suitcase in an overhead bin and you replied with “No thanks, I’m fine,” when it might have been nice to have a helping hand?

Have you ever put in long hours on a project at work to the point of exhaustion when you know you could have asked someone else to pitch in, but that little voice in your head said “They will think you can’t accomplish anything if you ask them to do that”?

Or has someone tried to treat you to dinner or buy you something and you replied with “Oh no, that’s too nice,” or “Don’t worry about it, we can split the check”?

We all do this. And here’s the thing about being so strong all the time — it’s exhausting! And we diminish others in the process. Believe it or not, the person who wants to carry your groceries or work on that project will receive a nice boost of endorphins and self-esteem from having helped a fellow human being and serving a purpose.

Try putting yourself on the other side of it. Have you ever performed a kind act for a stranger? Carried a bag, helped someone cross the street? (If you’re drawing a blank, I invite you to try it out today.) Or have you helped someone at work meet a tight deadline?

How did you feel afterwards? Pretty darn good, right?! It feels awesome to help someone out.

Every time you say “No thanks” to someone else, you are denying them that joy.

For those of you who find that asking for support is not easy, here are Five Tips to Become a Master of Receiving Assistance:

1. Give more!
Guess what? It’s a lot easier to receive from others if we’ve been giving ourselves. By doing a random generous act for someone else, you will start to open up to the possibility of receiving yourself. You will understand in an experiential way what it feels like to be on the giving end and how it is such a gift. This will cultivate empathy so that when you’re on the receiving end, you don’t feel guilty or weak or undeserving; rather, you experience a nice sense of give and take. If you go out of your way to help someone at work with their project, you may feel the scales are more balanced the next time you find yourself wanting to ask for help.

2. Do it for them, not yourself
The next time someone is trying to offer you support, think of the benefit to THEM and say “Yes.”If you think it’s “selfish” to receive, focus on how it will make them feel better to give and suddenly, receiving is a selfless act. You are bestowing a gift on the person who is taking care of you in that moment.If you can’t say yes for yourself, say it for the other person.

3. Practice saying “Yes” to small things
For those of us who are used to being independent and have our whole identity wrapped up in how we’re tough and strong (who, me?), it can be helpful to take baby steps with this process. Start by saying “Yes” to something small — whether it’s a friend treating you to a cup of coffee or someone holding the door open for you. As you strengthen your receiving muscles with small things, you will suddenly notice it becomes easier to say yes to bigger things, like getting help with that project at work

4. Think of someone you love
The voice in our head that says “You don’t deserve that” or “Who are you to ask for help?” is often an internalized version of someone from our childhood — a teacher, parent or some other adult who told us not to “be selfish.” Chances are, it wasn’t just one person but many, as this problem is endemic in our society. Regardless of where it comes from, I often find that one of the most effective ways to counteract that little voice in my head is to replace it with someone else — someone I love deeply who is saying the opposite.

For example, if I’m banging my head against the wall trying to learn about Internet marketing (or any project at work), and I want to enlist support, it can help me to picture my daughter and how I want to be in a happy, patient place when I’m with her. Then I link that picture to the knowledge that my getting support with this work project will actually help me be the kind of mother I want to be because I will feel more relaxed and joyful and have more time to spend with her.

Try imagining someone you love — an ailing parent, a spouse or significant other, a best friend or your child. The next time you are questioning whether you “deserve” to get help, pretend you are doing it for THEM. This is a slightly different version of #2 above and can be even more powerful. Instead of doing it for the person who wants to help you, you’re doing it for someone you love because you know it will make you a more whole, complete and loving person.

5. Practice, practice, practice
As with any behavior-changing shift, this takes practice. If you read this and are inspired, make it a weekly, if not daily practice to say “Yes” when people offer their assistance or support. Make a commitment to say “Yes,thank you” to at least three people in the next week. As I said, it can be as small as allowing them to treat you to a drink.

The good news is that when you start to say “Yes” to the small things, the Universe replies “Oh, so you like receiving? We’ll give you more!” And then, even BIGGER things come in — the trick is to KEEP SAYING YES.
It’s true…..trust me! If you want to learn more on these Universal principles, check out my Manifestation Course HERE.

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Are You Playing Big? /dev/are-you-playing-big-2/ /dev/are-you-playing-big-2/#comments Thu, 01 Aug 2013 15:50:00 +0000 /?p=3398 After hearing a lot of people talk about “playing big,” I decided that this is just another – more conventional – term for manifesting. I recently learned about a speaker with six rules to Playing Big. Rule #1: There is no secret to playing big. I agree. There is no secret to manifesting, it is […]

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two women walking through grass rainbowAfter hearing a lot of people talk about “playing big,” I decided that this is just another – more conventional – term for manifesting. I recently learned about a speaker with six rules to Playing Big.

Rule #1: There is no secret to playing big.

I agree. There is no secret to manifesting, it is about doing. 

Rule #2: Have an inspirational goal and stake your claim.

This is brilliant. Step 1 of manifesting is to know exactly what you want. Staking your claim in an inspirational goal is saying to the world, “this is what I want, and I’m going to get it.”

Rule #3: Have a big enough goal that it involves others.

I am not sure if I have thought about it in these terms before. But, what better way to get people on board with your plan than for it to be so big and beautiful that they are already included? And, for me, this goes hand in hand with Rule #4.

Rule #4: Share the goal for accountability.

Sharing is key to manifesting. If there is no one to ask you how it’s going, whom are you going to brag to when you get there?

Rule #5: Hire a coach.

Well, of course I like this one, I’m a coach!

Let’s look at the facts. Successful athletes have coaches. Successful business people have coaches. Even successful coaches have coaches. By hiring someone who has the knowledge and skills that you do not, you will reach your goal faster. Also, coaches keep you on track and accountable.

Rule #6: Do it all – with priority.

Translation: ACT AS IF you are already there. Make the reservations, live the reality, be the person you want to be.

So, no matter what you call it, playing big or manifesting, you can attain that “pie in the sky” dream. But first, you need to DEFINE THE DREAM, declare it as yours, and get those around you involved.

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10 Days, 10 Ways /dev/10-days-10-ways/ /dev/10-days-10-ways/#comments Thu, 04 Jul 2013 18:23:20 +0000 /?p=3017 Take time to appreciate yourself with a beautiful practice called, “10 Days, 10 Ways“. Think of 10 things at which you excel. You write them down. Then you spend a few minutes visualizing yourself literally doing those activities each day for the next 10 days. Initially, it may take a few moments to come up […]

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fall treesTake time to appreciate yourself with a beautiful practice called, “10 Days, 10 Ways“.

Think of 10 things at which you excel. You write them down. Then you spend a few minutes visualizing yourself literally doing those activities each day for the next 10 days.

Initially, it may take a few moments to come up with all 10 or to get a clear picture and example of each one, but once you have an image to represent each of the 10 areas, you can quickly go through the visualization.

So many of us focus on our inadequacies. The best secret I’ve learned is that our happiness is directly linked to our ability to believe we are worthy of happiness. And this belief grows the more we can focus on what we’re proud of and appreciate ourselves. This is also the best way to be successful, get promoted and do well at work.

This practice starts to train your mind to focus on the areas in which you excel and suddenly, you’ll feel better about yourself and start to draw more of those opportunities into your life. It’s pretty powerful stuff.

It’s only for 10 days…why not do it?!

If this is appealing to you, commit to doing it, and do it. Each time you make a commitment and follow through, you will notice your self-esteem will rise. When we make a commitment and don’t follow through, and don’t acknowledge our transgression, it erodes our self-esteem. So this is also a beautiful chance for you to boost self-esteem by deciding to start this daily practice. It takes less than 2 minutes each day (you can spend longer if you’d like) and it’s only for 10 days…why not do it?!

I’m doing this practice right now, on Day 3 myself, and I’m sharing my list below.

I’m sharing my personal list because of an experience I recently had leading a workshop with very successful women (“shout out to my FLI group!”) including doctors, real estate investors, senior executives from Facebook and other companies. I was teaching them the principals of manifestation and after I had asked them to write a narrative describing their ideal career as if they already had it, one of them said ,“I feel like I’m bragging, I’m self-conscious about sharing this”.

That was a big reminder for me. I know we all feel this way sometimes because we’ve been told most of our life not to outshine those around us or toot our own horn, but if someone doesn’t take the lead,we will all continue to live in fear and to dim our lights. I want everyone, especially women, to feel empowered to let our lights shine. To be powerful. To be original. To be silly. To be proud of ourselves.And to have the courage to be vulnerable and authentic.

Why did I wrote this list?

It feels scary for me to share my own list of things at which I excel, and that is part of the reason why I’m doing it. I wrote this list before I even knew I would share this concept in a newsletter.. .and as Ire-typed my list below from my journal, I noticed how I started to doubt my own abilities and that little critical voice crept in with “well, sometimes you excel at being vulnerable but certainly not all the time. People will think that one is not true”.

As I imagined other people reading my list and judging me, I suddenly started to shrink inside and second guess myself. And, I am committed to living courageously and letting my light shine. I want that for myself and I want to inspire others. So I notice that critical voice and I say “thank you, but I am committed to living courageously and I’m proud of myself.” :)

I hope my list inspires you to write and meditate on your own version of this so you, too, can experience the wonderful feelings of self-love and appreciation that this list can generate. Remember, you’re doing this just for you.

Here’s my list of 10 Things at Which I Excel”

1. Being “on”, charismatic and funny while giving a talk or leading a group workshop.

2. Connecting with people in one-on-one settings, going deep.

3. Having fun while dancing!

4. Enjoying being active in nature.

5. Taking moments to be present with Eva.

6. Being positive.

7. Being vulnerable and authentic.

8. Analyzing myself and learning lessons from my life experiences.

9. Supporting my clients by listening to my intuition and pulling together different modalities in a truly unique way; lasering in on the key issue.

10. Going deep quickly, getting stuff done, being effective.

Trust me, when you do the “10 Days, 10 Ways” practice, it will give you a warm, fuzzy feeling inside each time you do it. This is guaranteed to be a mood booster, to make you feel happy AND it will also support you in being more effective at whatever you put your mind to. It’s a win/win.

You’ll be better at your job and you’ll feel more fulfilled. It’s that simple. Just try it.

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Can you be Happy + Successful? /dev/can-you-be-happy-successful/ /dev/can-you-be-happy-successful/#comments Thu, 04 Jul 2013 13:11:49 +0000 /?p=3009 Hello there, Summer is well upon us and I’m loving it! The long days when it’s light outside until after 8pm are some of my favorite evenings. I just love the feeling of strolling in the evening while it’s still light out. I hope that you have been able to enjoy beautiful weather, nature and […]

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Hello there,

Summer is well upon us and I’m loving it! The long days when it’s light outside until after 8pm are some of my favorite evenings. I just love the feeling of strolling in the evening while it’s still light out.

I hope that you have been able to enjoy beautiful weather, nature and time with loved ones this summer just as I have.There is a really special energy to the summer. To me, it feels like a time of indulgence when we often go on vacation, take a break and allow ourselves to be silly and outrageous.

I’ve been taking my work outside a lot to feel more playful and recently, I brainstormed workshop ideas at this beautiful, secret beach cove I’ve discovered tucked away under the GoldenGate bridge. I had so many amazing ideas flowing to me that I named it “Brainstorm Beach”! Here’s a photo.

pic2
I love when work and play are synonymous, and they can be all the time! And I love treating myself.

How are you giving yourself a treat this summer? Is it a romantic getaway weekend? A nice vacation or dinner out on a patio under the stars? A massage? Maybe a walk in the park during one of those warm summer nights or feeling great about your body as you put on a pair of white pants and a colorful shirt. There are so many ways to appreciate this season and appreciate yourself and my wish is that you take time for both.

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Quantum Healing Hypnosis with Dolores Cannon /dev/quantum-healing-hypnosis-with-dolores-cannon/ /dev/quantum-healing-hypnosis-with-dolores-cannon/#comments Fri, 28 Jun 2013 20:36:02 +0000 /?p=2985 Last April, I attended the Academy of Quantum Healing Hypnosis with Dolores Cannon. The art of this therapeutic excellence helps people rediscover their hidden knowledge and powerful aspects. Through this training I can support my clients in exploring their hidden dreams and buried experiences that affect their performance and attitude. We all have hidden talents […]

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Dolores Cannon training in Arkansas  AR Class PicLast April, I attended the Academy of Quantum Healing Hypnosis with Dolores Cannon. The art of this therapeutic excellence helps people rediscover their hidden knowledge and powerful aspects.

Through this training I can support my clients in exploring their hidden dreams and buried experiences that affect their performance and attitude.

We all have hidden talents that are not active but when discovered can bring a powerful difference in our lives. When we can break through to the inner self, we rediscover our strengths and weaknesses to empower and encourage ourselves.

I am excited to incorporate these skills into the coaching, guidance, and healing modalities to support my clients in creating their ideal lives.

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Will I Ever Be Enough? /dev/will-i-ever-be-enough/ /dev/will-i-ever-be-enough/#comments Fri, 21 Jun 2013 16:35:09 +0000 /?p=2962 Recently, I was meeting with a colleague and discussing how I never seem to feel good enough as a mother, no matter what I do or don’t do. If I spend a lot of time with my daughter, I feel like I’m not always “present” enough and that I take her for granted. I let […]

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Being Good EnoughRecently, I was meeting with a colleague and discussing how I never seem to feel good enough as a mother, no matter what I do or don’t do.

If I spend a lot of time with my daughter, I feel like I’m not always “present” enough and that I take her for granted. I let my list of things to do distract me; I’m likely to end up shopping for diapers online instead of playing with her on the floor. Then I beat myself up for not enjoying her company enough.

And if I spend a lot of time working on my business or taking care of my own needs, I feel guilty that I’m not spending enough time with my daughter.

It’s a lose/lose scenario. Somehow, I’m never “enough” of something.

 Here’s what my colleague had to say:

 If you asked 500 men if they worry “Am I man enough?” when they wake up in the morning, about 490 of them would raise their hands. It isn’t a conscious thought they think, but it’s always there in the back of their minds. How often have you heard someone say “Get out there and act like a man”?

Women, on the other hand, do not wake up thinking “Am I woman enough?” The question seems silly. No woman who is in a conflict will say “Get out there and act like a woman!”

For many women, the equivalent question is “Am I a good enough mother?” Most mothers struggle with this question on an ongoing basis.  If you asked 500 mothers this question, at least 490 would raise their hands.  (And believe me, the advertising world knows this!  Have you noticed how they play to our fears and insecurities?)

This led me to a bigger realization:  Even before I became a mother, there was always something in my life that I did not have enough of or that I did not do well enough.

This is a scarcity mentality. It’s like having a hungry ghost who is part of your essence. No matter what you do or say, it’s never enough. Not enough money. Not enough prestige. Not enough time. Not enough recognition. It’s never enough.

 Have you felt this?

There are two steps that are key to shifting this “Am I enough?” or “Do I have enough?” mentality. The first step is to recognize your personal “Not Enough” pattern. What do you believe you do not have enough of? Time? Money? Love?

Next, see if you can start to shift it to a positive rather than negative thought, such as “I have more than enough money.” Even if you don’t believe this yet, you can cultivate this type of thought by focusing on the ways that you currently ARE ENOUGH and where you currently HAVE ENOUGH. If you always feel like you don’t have enough money, make a list of three ways that you DO have enough money.

 What is your “Not Enough”?

Can you make a list of three ways that you DO have enough or you ARE enough in that area? Make that list NOW.

There is never a better time than now to start becoming who you might have been.

We are all enough inside, it’s just a question of believing it.

Once you recognize your personal pattern of scarcity, you can make a conscious choice to focus your energy on the positive aspects of that area of your life. When you do that, you will shift your perspective. It’s only a matter of commitment. And for that, there is always enough inside of you!

Here’s to all of us having more than enough.

 

Much Love,

Vanessa

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Will Men And Women Ever Be Equal In Business? /dev/will-men-and-women-ever-be-equal-in-business/ /dev/will-men-and-women-ever-be-equal-in-business/#comments Thu, 06 Jun 2013 16:26:11 +0000 /?p=2796 I really want men and women to be equal in business.  And we’re clearly not.  I do think it’s possible but we’re still a long way off. A family member of mine who runs his own business recently told me he was hesitant to hire a woman who just got married because she would end […]

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CompetitionI really want men and women to be equal in business.  And we’re clearly not.  I do think it’s possible but we’re still a long way off.

A family member of mine who runs his own business recently told me he was hesitant to hire a woman who just got married because she would end up taking maternity leave and he would have to “scramble to find a replacement”.  And here I am with an 8 month old daughter, coming off my own maternity leave, running my own business.  I was angry and sad to hear his comment.  And yet part of me understood why he would make a choice like that. As a business owner, it is a hassle to find a replacement.  But I am certainly not going to let that stop me from hiring the most qualified person for the job.

The truly sad part to me is that he is focused on the “cost” of finding a replacement rather than the other costs associated with his decision.  Women represent 51% of the population in the US the last time I checked and all companies who do not treat us equally are losing out on untapped talent.  Some companies get this, others do not.  I believe the ones who do not will eventually fall behind and that is why I have hope.  It can take some conscious effort to start to re-balance the scales.  For example, until men take an equal amount of paternity leave, there will be a negative bias towards working mothers.  There are companies, like Facebook and Quora, that are trying to right the balance by instituting paternity leave, and strongly suggesting their male employees take the time off.  I applaud that.  It can be done – hello Sweden!

Maternity/paternity leave situation is just one example of how women are not equal in business

There are a whole host of others I don’t have the time to mention (want to talk about the time I was working on Wall Street and told I couldn’t go to Las Vegas for important meetings because of the “inappropriate” things that would go on….and when the CEO of the company we were dealing with asked why I wasn’t present at the meeting he was told I was tied up with something else.  Oh, and p.s. because I’m a go-getter I had already booked my flight and was literally on the plane, on the tarmac, when my boss decided it would be unseemly for me to go to Vegas. I couldn’t de-plane and was set to land late at night, so my firm booked me in a second hotel in Vegas and instructed me to stay away from the conference center and fly straight home the next morning.

Yes, this really happened. p.p.s. couldn’t I have gotten into a lot more “inappropriate” things in Vegas all by myself rather than in a conference center tied up in meetings?!?  p.p.p.s. all I did was order “poor-me” room service and a movie).  Ok…apparently I do have time to mention some other examples.  I guess there’s a lot of pent up frustration in me!  I have had my share of unfair treatment as a woman in business.   And, rather than focusing my energy on being a victim or complaining about that, what I’m interested in is asking “What is it I really want?“.

Having senior women in leadership position is, in my opinion, what we need to tip the scales.  That’s a BIG motivator for me in running my business, Akoya, whose mission is focused on empowering women and especially female leaders.Sheryl Sandberg is re-igniting the revolution…and she got parking for pregnant women. It’s both the BIG and the little things that make a difference.  I think we’re well on our way…and it’s a long road.  In the end, I’m optimistic.

And when I feel down or scared, I look at my precious little daughter’s face and I know, I have to keep goingI want to keep going.  I’m doing it for both of us.

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Are You Being Taking for Granted? /dev/are-you-being-taking-for-granted/ /dev/are-you-being-taking-for-granted/#comments Mon, 13 May 2013 14:32:49 +0000 /?p=2791 I want to wish a BIG Happy Mothers Day to all you mamas out there!!! It is incredible what mothers do for their children and their families and, now that I’m actually doing these things myself, I have a whole new level of respect for what it takes to be a mom! Wow. All I […]

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Are You Feeling Taken for Granted?I want to wish a BIG Happy Mothers Day to all you mamas out there!!! It is incredible what mothers do for their children and their families and, now that I’m actually doing these things myself, I have a whole new level of respect for what it takes to be a mom!

Wow. All I can say is I am in awe of every single woman who does this job. Thank you to each of you for helping to raise our children. It is the most important and, in my opinion, most under-valued job on the planet.

Speaking of feeling under-valued, that is the theme of this month’s newsletter! I was talking to my husband the other night about Mother’s Day, and noticing that I really wanted him to make a big deal of it and show a lot of appreciation towards me.

I wasn’t focused on fancy or expensive gifts or anything like that, but I wanted him to make an effort with some thoughtful gestures (hint for husbands out there: booking a surprise massage is a great gift!).

I started to ask myself what this whole Mother’s Day thing was REALLY about. Here’s a big hint to all of you, whenever you get really worked up about something, it usually isn’t actually about that particular thing.

There’s almost always something UNDERNEATH the surface issue that is the REAL ISSUE.

Even if you think it’s about the money, or your colleague at work, or your spouse not appreciating you…..there is something underneath that, and that is where all your learning can come from. It is also the key to creating lasting change.

For me, I realized I wasn’t feeling acknowledged or appreciated in general for the role of Mother. It wasn’t really about Mother’s Day.

Sure, that’s a great time to take a moment to celebrate Mom. And, my deeper issue is more of an ongoing belief that I’m not being valued for the effort I’m making. And, the even deeper issue underneath THAT, is the KEY to unlocking this whole mess. Before I tell you what it is, I want you to think of an example of your own.

Where in your life are you currently feeling under-valued, unappreciated or taken for granted?

Have you got an example? Good.

Now I want you to bring this situation or person to mind. And ask yourself “How am I contributing to this?” Because you are.

If someone is taking advantage of you, it is you who is letting them do it. If someone is taking you for granted, on some level, you are allowing it.

For me, I realized the key is that I am not valuing MYSELF as a Mother. And I am projecting that on to others.

I have doubts. I don’t think I’m any good at this. The other night, my daughter cried out in the middle of the night, and when I tried to soothe her and comfort her, she only got more upset.

I went back to bed saying “I am the worst mother. I can’t even console my own child. She doesn’t even like being held by me” and on, and on my mind went, spinning a story of how I’m a bad mother.

To all you mothers out there, how many times have you told yourself some version of this story? How often have you beat yourself up, blamed yourself or felt guilty because of something your child did or experienced?

We have to stop. We need to start appreciating ourselves. That is the key to shifting any sort of resentment you are feeling towards others for not appreciating you.

It needs to start with oneself.

For those of you who are not mothers, the golden rule still applies.

  • Where are you feeling under-valued in your life?
  • How are you under-valuing YOURSELF in that
    situation?
  • How can you start to shift it?

For me, I’m starting each day by telling myself “I am the perfect mother for this child” and I’m ending each day by appreciating 3 things about myself as a mother.

It could be something simple like “I made Eva giggle while playing on the floor” or something more profound. I’m also taking time out to appreciate myself by giving myself alone time, getting a massage or going on a walk.

Celebrating myself as an individual and a mother makes it easier for me to feel good in the mother role.

If any of you Mamas out there want to find an easy way to celebrate yourself more, check out our Happy Mamas Retreat in Woodside, CA June 8th-9th. It’s a weekend away for you to receive lots of pampering and self-love!

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Leaning In: My Story /dev/leaning-in-my-story/ /dev/leaning-in-my-story/#comments Tue, 30 Apr 2013 17:10:11 +0000 /?p=2413 For the first time in my life, I followed my heart and my intuition, not my ego, my mind or my wallet. And I’ve never looked back. I spent almost 10 years working in finance, in jobs that didn’t fulfill me. I was an over achiever my entire life. I graduated Phi Beta Kappa, Summa […]

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For the first time in my life, I followed my heart and my intuition, not my ego, my mind or my wallet. And I’ve never looked back.

Leaning In: My Story by Vanessa LoderI spent almost 10 years working in finance, in jobs that didn’t fulfill me. I was an over achiever my entire life. I graduated Phi Beta Kappa, Summa Cum Laude from Columbia University and upon graduation, I thought about joining the Peace Corps but instead, my over-achiever decided to take the most prestigious job I could find working in Investment Banking on Wall Street. I would work really long hours, come home and drink a little too much wine or numb out in front of the TV because I felt so drained and exhausted from work. I applied to Business School and was accepted to both Harvard and Stanford. I had my whole perfect life planned out.

And then my mom got sick. She was diagnosed with stage three ovarian cancer. I took time off work to take care of her and then deferred business school one year. After she finished her chemo, she encouraged me to do something for myself before heading off to Stanford.

I decided to follow my heart and live in a remote village in Ghana, West Africa and volunteer as a teacher.

I didn’t know it at the time, but that trip changed my life. I ended up raising money to build a school, with support from my former Wall Street colleagues who helped fund the project. In that moment I knew I wanted to do something to change the world and that people in the business world had the resources to support positive change.

Upon graduating from Stanford, I thought about starting my own business.  But I was scared. I told myself I was scared because of all the debt and expenses I had incurred as a student. I told myself it would be more “responsible” to take a job working in private equity, another finance job, to pay off my loans. I told myself, and everyone else, I would only stay in that job one year. Those were all lies. It took me over three years to realize that was just the fear talking. My fear of failure.

I reached a point in my career where I was making a lot of money, on track to be a Partner in my firm. Everything looked great on paper. And yet inside, I was miserable. But this was the path I had mapped out for my life. I had followed my plan for success perfectly.

So why wasn’t I happy?

I realized that my entire life, I had been following my mind, my ego and my wallet instead of my heart or my intuition. And that needed to change. I was so turned around, I didn’t know where to begin to follow my heart. I started with one question: What is it I really want?

That question turned into more questions. I started working with a coach and learned what it means to take responsibility for my life, my happiness and my career. To me, taking responsibility means asking that question “What is it I really want” and not letting the fear stop you. It means making a big commitment to doing whatever it takes to create the change you deeply desire.

So that’s what I did. I quit my high paying job in finance and started my own business. I realized that what I am most passionate about is supporting other people, especially women, in learning how to take responsibility for THEIR lives.

I want everyone to experience the happiness that I’ve now created in my life. I want everyone to have these tools. I’ve made it my life’s mission to empower other women. I founded Akoya, a transformation and empowerment business, where I run group coaching programs, retreats and corporate workshops to support other people who are ready to make this leap. The leap into a life of meaning.

I could have played it safe. Instead, I’m living my dream. It took some scary steps to get here, and it was so worth the journey.

So now I ask you, what is it you really want? And what are you willing to do to have it?

 


Soul Power * What if your Soul has a plan for you and you’re not following it?
* Are you meant to be doing something more with your life?
* Did you know there’s a way to discover your unique purpose?

You’re invited to Soul Power: A Day of Spiritual Exploration on May 18, 2013. Register Today! >>

 

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